I thought it wasn't going to happen. I thought he was going to stay. I guess it was really just more of a hope. I thought things had been going well. I dunno anymore. Is it really time to give up? I don't want to. I don't know why he has to have the final say.
My head is starting to throb. I think I've been crying for the last four hours. Sigh...
I'm 32. WTF...
I'm sad, upset, mad, tired.
I dunno if I'm just feeling sorry for myself. I know he's not in an easy situation, but I feel like I'm not getting any kind of consideration. I really want to just go and bang my head on the wall. I'm tired. I want to just sleep so I don't have to think about it anymore. I'm probably not thinking straight anyway. I wish I could just sleep, and when I wake up, it would all go away.
I can't believe I was all worried that I wouldn't be able to do anything for his birthday 'cuz I have to pick up my mom from the airport. Well guess what? He's not even gonna be here. I'm putting him first, but he's putting me second. But what should I have expected? I wish he'd at least want me to go with him to give it a try.
No, this is not my stupid fantasy world. This is real life.
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