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Stop giving me all this BULLSHIT...

Gone

I remember what you said to me
You were acting so strange
And maybe I was too blind to see
That you needed a change

Are you sure?

I thought you said we were good friends...

Great

It's all a big fucking mess now...

Torn

I'm still tom on what to do. I can give him a chance to come clean and explain himself. But I feel like most likely, it's not going to happen. He's already made do much effort to cover it up. Even though he knows he did something wrong, he may just continue to cover it up.

I feel like the only way to do it is to catch him in the act. But who knows if any of the scenarios I plan in my head will really turn out. L doesn't think I should mess too much with things that were not originally planned. But if I wait 'til the wedding to call him out, it may not be any different from if I did it now. Plus, I still wouldn't be able to show any concrete proof.

I have the money to go. Timing is critical though, and work is in the way a bit. And even if I do catch him, then what? He's going to resent me forever. I really don't want that. Honestly, it's stupid. I hate to admit it, but I feel like he could care less if I fell off the face of the earth. So why does it matter if he gets mad at me. He's the one who started this to begin with. And I'm the only one agonizing over it. It's not fair. I have to keep it all inside when it's his fault.

I hate that I'm so vindictive. I just want him to feel all the pain and heartache I feel. I just don't understand how someone who has been cheated on could do the same thing on someone else. I sometimes wonder if maybe he didn't tell the truth about his ex. But then again, he did cry to J. I dunno. I just don't get it. All I want is to understand his whole way of thinking. Did he just not want to hurt me? Did he not think I'd ever find out? Does he think I'm stupid or naive? Is this just a fling for him? I dunno what to think anymore...